She’s always a woman to me





I never really liked that I am a girl. Growing up with boys and men around me, I always used to feel different in not a very good way. So what followed was me being one of the boys. Talking like them, eating like them (which I still do), playing all day, swearing like them and of course dressing like a boy too.

Then I was welcomed by Puberty. That was the time I begin to hate myself. Yes I know hate is a strong word and my feelings were too. My body changed, Mother Nature played some tricks and lots of new experiences, which were definitely not required at least by me. I couldn’t play on all the days. I couldn’t run, as I was embarrassed.

And then as in typical Indian movie style. I got up one day looked in the mirror and loved what I saw (ha-ha, no way) I wish it was that simpler, but let’s just say life was good again after a lot of churning. I love my curves! Life IS good again. I have never loved myself more. I genuinely TMD (truly madly deeply) love myself.

I love and can’t thank God enough. I love how can I dress up as a girl or when I feel really lazy i can dress up as a boy too (we call it Androgynous fashion).I am emotional, practical and strong at the same time. I can run if not better but as fast as a boy. And I love my jewellery (shallow much?)

I feel women are like those ‘handle with care” glass pieces which we see in a gift shop, we just need to be handled with care (add love and respect too). As much it is debatable that women are equal to men or not. Well I don’t know about that, but I personally never had this comparison in my head. I don’t care about that. I don’t want to say women are equal to men or at par with them; it has never been about this. It’s always been how can my today be better then yesterday, How can I be more sincere or organized than yesterday. Or how I should not give remote control of my happiness in anyone’s hand. My happiness depends completely on myself. Sadness, tears, hatred are all inside us, I just want to focus and multiply the good part. I want to make people happy. Encourage them, inspire them, there is so much to do. Point is I want to be happy whatever the day is, not just today. And I demand respect because I give respect, not because I am a ‘woman’.

 I usually (read all) the times keep my thoughts to myself. If an incidence like what happened on 16th December 2012 took place in my city, it is shameful. And the worst part is it is still happening everywhere around us. How it has changed me as a person? Well for starters I still have nightmares about it. I see everyone with a suspicion, which might be good. I try to keep my eyes open on the road and not on my cell phone. And I have given up on buses completely.

Then the question comes up again, Am I really happy being a woman?

Yes absolutely. Women have their shit together, now the men need to get theirs. It’s not always rape. The comments, groping, stare we hate it all, genuinely from the core of our hearts. I wish i could explain what we feel like doing to you that very moment.

This Women’s Day, I have a prayer. I wish for Happiness and lots of physical and mental strength for each one of us.

More power to US!

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